Philadelphia! Home to gay Tom Hanks and one of my favourite players of all time. Oh, Hexie! If only you were a UFA this year instead of this pack of clowns.
In the Crease:
Robert Esche
Robert Esche is cute in a sort of bland way, especially if you're a fan of facial hair (and I am). He also has his own charity, the Save of the Day Foundation, for sick kids in his home town. Sweet, right? On the other, less attractive hand, he sports Kid Rock on his helmet and a neck-beard. Let's call it a wash. Verdict: meh.
Trying to Score:
Todd Fedoruk
If you do a Google Image search on Fedoruk, about 90% of the results involve him getting punched in the face. As such, it's not a surprise that last year he had to have titanium plates installed after Professor Boogaard demolished his cheekbones. Despite his, er, "upgrades," Fedoruk still more closely resembles a 12-year-old boy than the dreamy Steve Austin. I don't know about you, but prepubescent meatheads are just not my cup of semi-bionic tea.
Denis Hamel
Monsieur Hamel has an earnest cuteness about him. He looks like the type who would bring you flowers on a regular basis and get along with small children. Nice, but not exactly the type to make you wanna...you know. His hotness is a lot like his hockey ability: not quite good enough for the Oil.
Mike York
Mike York is a respected former Oiler, but I can't get over the guy's hair. It's in a perpetual state of greasy combed-backedness and falls into that no-man's-land between a decent haircut and a full-blown mullet. Plus, he looks a little smarmy. Nevertheless, I'd still take him over that ungrateful douchewad Peca anyday.
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