Unrestricted Free Hotness: Buffalo Sabres

The Buffalo Sabres is a sexy hockey team. Their logo is ugly, but their goaltender is not (unless you think he is. Loser). All the girls go wild for the lopsided face. Come 1 July, they will have a couple of gems up for grabs. The rest (read: Ty Conklin) are not really gems, but are still available. Let's take a look.


In the Crease:

Ty Conklin
First a nod to NHL.com for claiming that he plays for Columbus while displaying this photo of him wearing a Sabres jersey. Next, a nod to the people who made this, as it pretty much sums up the not-so-dearly-departed. Conklin went undrafted, but was signed by the Oilers in 2001. It can only be assumed that the other 29 teams saw something that Edmonton didn't. Fast-forward six years, and Edmontonians will fly into a murderous rage at the mere mention of Conklin's name. Attractive? Nuh-uh. Maybe his life here would have been easier here if he had had dreamy eyes a la Joffrey Lupul. Stay the hell out of Edmonton if you want to avoid being run over by the Oil Country Crusher. And take your carnies with you.

On the Blueline:

Teppo Numminen
He reminds me of Colin Farrell. I don't like it. His one saving grace is that he was Ulanov's teammate during the days of the Winnipeg Jets, therefore I am quite familiar with him in the EA Sports NHL '95 context. Judging by this photo, Numminen appears as though he might have a similar IQ to that of a rutabaga. That being said, anything is better than Matt Greene, whose intellect can be compared to a mere yam (much less sexy).

Trying to Score:

Daniel Briere
Daniel Briere is a great hockey player. In most cases I find him to be simply adorable, with his tiny hockey body and little accent. In this picture, however, he doesn't look any more more masculine than those fan girls. Should Edmonton be home to this girly man? Oh, hell. Yes! Yes! Oh god yes!

Chris Drury
Chris Drury looks like your little brother's perma-stoned best friend. You remember him as a six-year-old (before the days of his drug use, presumably) playing Lego (and possibly recreating biblical scenes) in your basement. Now he has grown up into a young man who likely says "dude" a lot and who can't stop staring at your breasts. Lucky for me, I don't have a little brother, nor do I know yours. This might convince Lowe. Who doesn't find that hot?

Adam Mair

He looks like a happy guy. And he looks like he's prone to bar fights. Also, I'm not into blonds unless they come from Russia. Offensively, he's about as sexy as your grandmother. And his nickname is "Mairsy," according to Wikipedia. Don't do it, Lowe. I don't care how offensively sexy your grandmother is.

Dainius Zubrus
While searching for images of Zubrus, I found pictures of Harry Potter, as well as a picture of a moose enjoying a wintery environment. Zubrus strikes me as the kind of guy you might find in a mid '90s Calvin Klein underwear print ad. Undergarments:1, Zubrus:0. Fortunately, his name is fun to say, and he comes from Lithuania, which happens to be in a part of Europe (East) where all the men are hot. The Oil should take him, if only for post-game dressing room shots on Pay-per-view.