After that exhilerating trip around the league, it's time for us to get back to our usual navel-gazing. The Oilers have six UFAs on the auction block tomorrow, but who's dreamy enough to be bought back?
In the crease:
Juicy Markkanen
The Juice is just too clean-cut to me, what with his conventional good looks, perfect blonde hair, and toothpaste-commercial smile. If he were in an 80's teen comedy, he would play Chas, the rich jock with a heart of gold. That said, Jussi and I do have something in common -- we both love his starting goalie. Roli needs a supportive backup, and Jussi's considered hot by a lot of lady fans. He's probably a keeper.On the blueline:
Daniel Tjarnqvist
I know the Prez loves him, but I can't get over Shaggy's wonky eyes. Or terrible hair. Or "sports hernia." There have to be better, hotter, less injury-prone defencemen out there. Come on, K.Lo -- let's get hussied up in our tightest, shortest tube-dress and our tallest fuck-me pumps and WORK IT to pick up a defenseman tomorrow. It's time to put your self-respect on hold for the sake of our blueline.Jan Hejda
Hejda is definitely more attractive than Tjarnqvist, what with the square jaw and sexy intense eyes. Arguably, he's also a better defenseman. I think he's probably worth another shot, if only because I don't think K.Lo's best pick-up lines will be able to entice more than one good blueliner from the market. I mean, "I'll let you ride my Zamboni" only works so often.Trying to Score:
Petr Sykora
Hands down, Sykora is the Oilers' hottest UFA this season, with his great smile, ubiquitous 3-day facial hair growth, and adorable accent. The bar may have been low, but he also led the (post-Smytty) team in points this season. I hope Sykora will stay in Edmonton next year, if only for his post-game dressing room interviews. Rawr!Toby Petersen
Oh, for fuck sakes. NOOOOOO!
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