Unrestricted Free Hotness: NY Rangers

Beacuse New York is where old Oilers go to die, it seems weird to consider the Rangers as a source of new hotness. However, ladies do love men who live lives of danger (just ask Super Dave) -- there may be some potential here after all:

In the Crease:

Kevin Weekes
You have to love a man whose website plays Seventies porn music over shots of him making big saves. Hilarious. Weekes here is also big into hockey-related charities, which is hot. At the "not so hot" end of the spectrum: he has a pointy head and once appeared in an episode of All My Children. Net-net, I don't think he'd be much of an upgrade on the Juice in terms of dreaminess. Take a pass, K.Lo.

On the Blueline:

Sandis Ozolinsh
Sandis here looks pretty strung out, which actually might not be too far off the mark. I prefer my men to look a little less greasy and to look a lot less likely to ask me for $100 and a ride to Millwoods. Stay out of Edmonton, you bum!





Trying to Score:

Brendan Shanahan
On the cusp of retirement, Shanny has made it clear that he'd like to stay in NY if he decides to play next year. That's fine with me, because he wouldn't contribute much to the Oilers' overall hotness if he were to come to Edmonton. Sure, he may be "respected" and a "future hall-of-famer" and all, but he kind of creeps me out in the same way that Nedved does. Keep your "leadership" and "600 goals" far away from my city, pal.

Jed Ortmeyer
Here we (finally) have some real hotness potential. Young Mr. Ortmeyer is seriously cute. Last year, he was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism and missed about 40 games before coming back to finish the season and get nominated for the Bill Masterson -- don't you just want to hug him? He's way hotter than our Masterson candidate, Toby "oh for fuck sakes" Peterson. Get out your negotiating suit, K.Lo! Ortmeyer would be a sexy investment.