Unrestricted Free Hotness: Phoenix Coyotes

Since it's best we all forget that the 2006/07 season ever happened, shall we shift our focus toward the future? There are a buttload of UFAs available this summer, but who will really bring sexy back to the Oil? That was the question posed by my pal Garnet, who suggested that the ladies of Hot Oil rate the 2007 UFAs on what's really important: dreaminess. Team-by-team we'll be separating the sexy from the mutant-y, starting with those adorable losers, the Phoenix Coyotes.

In goal:

Curtis Joseph
Oh, CuJo. Not only is he a former Oilers' saviour, but he has pretty blue eyes and a cocky half-smile going for him. Not many men can pull off the giant eyebrows, but Joseph is Peter Gallagher-esque in this feat. The cherry on top: he's a goalie. CuJo is definitely a hot free agent, and K.Lo would do well to sign his rugged manliness now if he wants to help the Oil return to form.

Brian Boucher
Mr. Boucher, you look like a young spaz. This is a resource which the Oil has in ample supply. While not entirely off-putting, you are certainly no Curtis Joseph or Dwayne Roloson. Plus, it's hard to look sexy while opening the door to the bench. Good luck to you, sir. I hope you don't end up in Edmonton.



Trying to Score:

Kevyn Adams
This guy's too-close-together eyes, resemblance to Peter Hill, and unfortunate spelling of his first name substantially detract from his hotness, but the real kicker is that he played for the 2005/06 Carolina Hurricanes. DEAD TO ME.




Jeremy Roenick
Desperation is never hot. Neither is terrible dancing. Granted, Roenick used to be a bit of a looker, but these days he's been skewing toward the Nick Nolte end of the spectrum. Sorry about your broken face, pal. I know you really really really want to play, but please don't choose the Oil.



Owen Nolan
Mr. Nolan is Irish, cocky, and aging pretty well -- he's finally lost that babyface, and is rocking the shaved head. Plus, I bet he can really drink. He'd bring a certain diaper-less, manly quality to the baby-infested Oil, so he might be worth a glance from K.Lo for boosting the team's hotness.

Mike Ricci
Um...