Day 7: Casual wear put to the test.

It's 7am on a Saturday morning. The fact that I even found creative pictures of these two is remarkable. My commentary, thus, will be comparably unremarkable.

This man, Petr Sykora, is a seasoned veteran in the NHL. His hobbies include speaking in another language, wearing expensive clothing and supporting Lance Armstrong.

If you don't vote for him, he may never cut his hair.









Competitor number 2, Jarret Stoll, is a prairie boy living out his dreams in the NHL. In his spare time, he enjoys squinting in the sun, dating C-list cougar-celebrities (couglebrities?) and exposing his nipples.

If you don't vote for him, his confidence will be shot and he'll never be able to steal Elisha Cuthbert away from Sean Avery.


Which man has more style? Which man has more substance? Which man makes you SQUEE?! Vote now in the comments.

WE HAVE A TIE! THE HOT OIL TIEBREAKER GIVES THE VICTORY TO SYKORA!

Day 6: I have no clever name for these two

Meet the next batch of contenders: Joffrey Lupul versus Marc-Antoine Pouliot. Well, ladies and gents, do you prefer the man with the girly face or the man with the swollen lymph nodes? Do Lupul's dreamy eyes make you weak in the knees, or is it the fact that Pouliot wears Igor Ulanov's age on his jersey that makes you want to throw yourself at him? Is it the interesting first name or the last name that Ray "There's no such thing as a silent T" Ferraro cannot pronounce that really makes you feel all sensual inside? Don't delay, vote in the comments section now. The self-esteem of these two boys rests in your hands!

VOTING OVER. LUPUL THROWS MAP TO THE MAT AND HAS HIS WAY WITH HIM.

Day 5: Hot Wingers Duke it Out

What turns you on more? Boyish (as in pre-pubescent) good looks, or crazy eyes and mohawks? Smooth stickhandling, or big hits? The inability to grow facial hair, or...whatever Raffi's got on his chin?

Now's your chance to decide who will continue on the path to becoming the Hot Oil "Hot Champion": Ales "Stabby McBottle" Hemsky, or Raffi "Haiku Fodder" Torres. Vote in the comments!

VOTING OVER! RAFFI WINS BY ONE VOTE AND MOVES ON TO THE NEXT ROUND!

Day 4: When Two Players Collide

Name: Ryan Smyth
Nickname: Captain Canada, Anything that means "Mullet"
Age: 30
Age in dog years: 4.25
Quote: "As it stands Plan B is to just keep on Given'r."
Little Known Fact: He was the inspiration for the 5th character on the Captain Planet TV Series. That character's superpower? Heart.
Connection to Glenn Anderson: Glenn once ran over Smyth when he was 8.

Name: Shawn Horcoff

Nickname: (Like all other Oilers) Some version of his last name.
Age: 27
Age in dog years: 3.75
Quote: "Adrian!"
Little Known Fact: He is one of Batman's Arch-nemisises. (what is the plural of nemisis?)
Connection to Glenn Anderson: Both are from the beautiful province of British Columbia.

VOTING OVER! SMYTH MAKES A COMEBACK AND SQUEAKS INTO ROUND 2!

Hot Off, part three

Today's Hot Off pits the young Alexei Mikhnov against the man who has his own definition, Craig "Vroom Vroom" MacTavish. Will the youngster with nice eyes and an Eastern European drawl prevail, or will fan favourite MacT take the Hot Oil cake? You decide! Vote now by clicking on that sexy little link called "comments."

MacT makes mincemeat out of Mikhnov and is onto the swimsuit round.

The Hot Oil "Hot-Off" -- Day 2

versus

One has two Stanley Cup rings, and the other is yet to play an NHL game. But what we really want to know is: who is hotter? Does Craig Simpson's hedgehog hair get you going, or do you prefer Ladislav Smid's youthful smirk? Vote in the comments now!

VOTING OVER! SMID MASSACRES SIMPSON AND MOVES ON TO THE NEXT ROUND!

A Hot-Off of Epic Proportions

Over the next 31 days, just in time for the season to start, we (yes girls, I'm soliciting your help without telling you) will be posting a poll per day to crown "The Hottest Oiler". Instead of fiddling with online polls or emails, please post your vote in the comments section.

I have 32 players and coaches who have been ranked based on jersey number. It took me much too long to create the below bracket, so unless I forgot someone very important on the team, don't make me change it.

Without further ado, I give you DAY 1.

Matt "Sink or Swim in the Playoffs" Greene vs. the man who coached him, Mr. Charlie Huddy.

Edit: In the case of a tie, the votes of the three Hot-Oil creators will overrule you minions and determine the winner.

VOTING OVER. HUDSTER ONTO THE SWEET SIXTEEN.