Son. Of. A. Bitch!

I mean, really. This team just isn't fun to watch anymore -- the defence leaves the goalie out to dry, the offence is impotent, and everyone looks like they're skating underwater. The most entertaining parts of tonight's game against the Leafs were MacTavish's "shocked and awed" facial expressions, the frequent sight of Oilers falling over with no one near them, shots of K.Lo looking grim in the rafters, and the anciently old guy that commentated the first 30 seconds of the game before CBC slowly turned down the volume on his mic. If I wanted high comedy, I'd tune into some Full House reruns, not Hockey Night in Canada.

It's heartbreaking to see your team flounder like this, especially after last year's success. I think I've forgotten how to be optimistic -- I go into each game with no hope at all. This way, the wins are happy surprises and the losses are nothing more than inevitabilities. The Oilers have become that crush that really defines the word "crush" -- they're that boy who gets your hopes up and then stomps your heart over and over. But no matter how disappointed he makes you, you still love him. It's painful, but there's really no escaping -- all you can hope for is that one shining moment where he reminds you why you fell in love with him in the first place.

Refresh my memory, Oilers.