Hot LiveBlog: Calgary at Edmonton

So I've never tried liveblogging anything before, but I found myself at home on the couch this particular Saturday evening and thought I'd give it a nudge. If I stop posting around the second intermission, it will mean the Oilers are losing and I've gone to watch my Grey's Anatomy box set. GOILERS!

Cherry is unusually toned-down this evening in a black and white polka-dot number. As usual, I can't understand a word he's hollering. Ron McLean, you are a patient, patient man.

I don't know what to think about Hrudey's new haircut. His head now resembles a tennis ball more than anything. Have they re-done the ice paint at Rexall? It looks more...sharp, or something, than usual.

Hemsky's in the lineup, but Stoll is out. Ms. Hunter must be nursing his broken nose.

A blatant trip by Lombardi. Ineffective PowerPlay GO!

Oooh MAB! You are good for something! Huge hipcheck on Yelle. I likey.

God damn, I hate that passive agressive Home Depot bitch!

Stortini is leading the AHL in penalty minutes? That's awesome. The clip of him losing his stick in Roli's skate was cute. Powerplay! Way to draw a penalty, new guy!

Apparently the announcers don't like the Black Eyed Peas. Join the club, pals.

Why is Raffi's chin-fuzz always off-center? It's maddening!

Horcoff is playing with heart tonight! I wonder what's up.

I'm back to hating MAB. Why can't he clear the puck, EVER?

Roli with a penalty for playing the puck outside the trapeziod. I think that's the first time I've ever seen that called. Huh.

Roli's baseball move makes an appearance, but it's after the whistle. Every time I see Phaneuf's weasely face, I want to punch it.

Lombardi sneaks one around Roli while Smid stands aside to watch (literally not moving his feet). 1-0 Flames. Boo.

Powerplay #3 -- Let's see if we can't get the puck past the red line, eh boys?

Ah, the good old Craig Simpson pass-pass-fake shot-pass-miss the net play. I love that one.

Jason Smith and Hejda are out there right now, and they look good together. They can actually keep the puck in the opposing end, unlike some defencemen I know.

First Intermission -- Roli looks sharp, and the Oil have had a few good chances. 3 unsuccessful powerplays. I'm optimistic-ish.

Hrudey loves Jason Smith! He loooooves him. He wants to maaaaaarry him.

Lady, if you want new floors, tell your damn husband YOURSELF!

Second period starts with a penalty to Raffi. Don't let it get you down, li'l champ!

At least the penalty-kill looks good. Hemsky with a nice chance, but afraid to shoot, again.

A nice little Oiler-Defence-failed-passes montage by the CBC. Salt, meet wound.

Smith and Godard face off, but nothing comes of it yet. I'd love to know what Smith was saying. I hope he called Godard a "cockface stink-fuck."

Lots of great tip-in chances for the Oil, but they can't quite get it in the net. Frustrating!

Another Flames goal sneaks through Roli's legs. MAB may have been screening the shot. Of course. 2-0 Flames. Sigh.

Now the announcers are saying the Flames goal deflected off of MAB. He's the French Ziggy.

Nice chance for Pisani! Wide open in the slot, but stupid Kiprusoff makes the save.

Fucking hell. Fuck! Huselius and Tanguay are too much for Smith (the only defence back) and fire one past Roli. 3-0 Flames, and medical melodrama is sounding pretty good right now.

Second Intermission -- Lots of huge opportunities for the Oil, but they just can't get the puck in the net. Roli didn't have much of a chance on any of the goals and, to beat a zombie horse, it's clear that our defence is not up to par. What are you waiting for, K.Lo?

Dustin Boyd has worse mom hair than Winchester.

Don Cherry showed a clip of the third goal again and it's clear that Smid should have stopped Huselius at the blue line. Kid's having a bad game.

HA! HA! Roli with an awesome dive. He takes an "embellishment" penalty to offset the Flames' goalie interference.

Eat a dick, Phaneuf. 4-0 Flames.

MacT pulls Roli and puts in the Juice. My boyfriend looks sad.

Markkanen has learned a few tricks from Roloson! He gives Hamrlik a nice shove in the crease and draws another goalie interference penalty. Let's see what Craig Simpson does with this powerplay, shall we?

Stortini: put your vaunted bad-assedness to use and take out Kipper, willya?

Oh, Cotton-Eyed Joe. Will you ever be retired from play?

Stortini starts a big fight. Marty takes on Nilson, loses his sweater and gets a game misconduct. Stortini takes a 10-minute misconduct.

Next shift, Smith takes on Regehr and gets a few good shots in. As mentioned in the comments, Smith is a scary dude. Hilariously, he's given a slashing penalty and Calgary goes on the powerplay.

This game is committing the first cardinal sin of hockey: it's boring. Completely and utterly boring.

Post-Game -- Jesus H. Christ, Phaneuf is a terrible interview. Monosyllabic tool.

That does it for my first (and probably last) liveblogging experiment. What a crap game. I think I need to go watch some ridiculously good-looking surgeons to cheer myself up. Good night!