Historical Hot-Off, Semi-Finals!

Sorry folks -- I've been waaaaay too busy to deal with the high-maintenance Hot-Off contenders for the past while. If Kurri asks me to fetch him a bag of fucking Whoppers one more time, I swear he's going to be eating those chocolate-covered balls of cat vomit with a straw.

To top things off, Comrie's still smarming it up with his talent-less new girlfriend (who, through a complete and utter fluke I SAW IN CONCERT three weeks ago (justification: it was free)! OMG! Seriously, the girl can't dance and can barely sing. If that's all the skillz it takes to be a millionaire pop star, sign me up. But I digress.).

Aaaaaanyway, some real contenders were eliminated in the last round: Gretz is not great at turning on the ladies, and I am sad to see Semenko fall to the baby-faced Weight (who, may I remind you, played for the 2005-2006 CAROLINA HURRICANES). Here's who's left:

MacT versus Weight


Smith versus Coffey











VOTE:
Historical Hot-Off, Semi-Finals

Historical Hot-Off, Round 3!

Now that we've ditched those squares Simpson and Arnott, we're one step closer to selecting the hottest one-time Oiler EVAR. The remaining competition is stiff:

Bill Ranford vs. Craig MacT








I couldn't find a good recent picture of Ranford, but he's definitely puffier than he was in his grandstanding heyday. MacT, on the other hand, shows no signs of middle-age bloat. Think hard: ARE YOU FOR OR AGAINST WATER RETENTION?

Dave Semenko vs. Doug Weight











Battle of the autographed pictures! Semenko pretended to punch Mohammad Ali! Weight wrote some stuff! Semenko's signature has a swirly 'S'! Weight's has a fancy 'D'! WHICH IS AWESOMER?

Jari Kurri vs. Jason Smith











Skirts or awful third jerseys? YOU DECIDE WHICH IS HOTTER!

Paul Coffey vs. Wayne Gretzky











Coffey can grow stubble. Gretz can't. PLEASE INFORM US OF YOUR PREFERENCE.

VOTE NOW.
Historical Hot-Off, Round 3!

You Are a Big Man! Big Man!

Classic.

Historical Hot-Off, Round 2!

dingdingding!


Moog versus Ranford!







MacT versus Simpson!










Cujo versus Semenko!













Weight versus Fuhr!













Arnott versus Kurri!









Smith versus Markkanen!









Coffey versus Murray!













And finally, let's juxtapose:

Salo versus Gretzky!



Vote Now:
Historical Hot-Off, Round 2!

New Podcast Episode

We talk about the hedgehog!

http://oilers.podcastspot.com/

Team Hotness Increasing Exponentially!

With the loss of one sleazy real-estate agent hedgehog, we can all sleep easier tonight in the knowledge that, next year, we won't have nearly as many migraines caused by screaming SHOOOOOOOOT! at the television until blood comes out of our ears. Yes, it is a good day.

Historical Hot Off - Goaltenders rule!

Your winners from the first round:

(After the long weekend, we'll start round two.)

Andy Moog
Bill Ranford
Craig MacTavish
Craig Simpson
Curtis Joseph
Dave Semenko
Doug Weight
Grant Fuhr
Jason Arnott
Jari Kurri
Jason Smith
Jussi Markkanen
Paul Coffey
Rem Murray
Tommy Salo
Wayne Gretzky